It
has been a very full summer. Between house projects, backpacking
trips, climbing Mt. St. Helens (and getting in shape to do that!), I
have been busily ignoring the fact that I return to school in a very
short amount of time. My first year of teaching was exciting,
wonderful, and hard at the
same time. I'll be quite honest, there were moments that I didn't
love it like I had
expected. There were moments that were very difficult and left me
feeling like I had completely chosen the wrong career. But I think
that is normal.
So,
this summer I have been intentionally working on where I focus when
life gets hard. I have been trying to change my thought process in
the moments I feel like throwing in the towel, giving up. Rather than
tearing myself apart and telling myself I can't do it - rather than
focusing on the thing in front of me that is hard, I want to focus on
the fact that
I can get through it; I can succeed.
I
want to overhaul the words I whisper to myself when I'm down and no one
else is looking.
My
husband and I enjoy backpacking together. There is something
exhilarating about throwing everything needed to survive (and some
extras!) into a backpack and hitting the trail. It feels like every
time we go into the wilderness, we push a little further, climb a
little higher, hike a little faster. We've only been doing this a few
years, but we love it. It's our place of rest (ironically).
There
are times, though, when my pack feels oh-so-heavy, when my legs feel
as though they have been cast in lead, and when my mind berates me
for being so weak. Each step seems to trigger an echoing chant in my
mind, "You can't do this..." It is hard to climb the
mountain sometimes. But you know, I've not ever had to turn around. I
have always done the hard thing on the trail, and found that I could.
Sometimes, yes, I do need to stop and have some water, rest a little
more frequently, or have a quick bite to eat to replenish some energy
stores, but, I make it though and see the beauty that was waiting.
This
summer, I started changing those words - creating a different echo in
my mind: "This is hard, but I
know can
do this."
And
you know what? It worked... but then I realized I wasn't whispering
the whole story.
I
have been reading One Thousand Gifts by
Ann Voskamp. As the
new
school year approaches, I have started to worry about the work load,
about the pressure
and intensity
of the days to come.
But
then, I read this on page 148:
Without trust in the good
news of Jesus, without trust in the good news of God's saving work
even in this moment, without an active, moment-by-moment trust in the
good news of an all-sovereign, all-good God, how can we claim to
fully believe?
I realized that I'm not fully trusting God in the moment-by-moment grind of life when my heart becomes consumed by the stress. I need to change my words again. When things get hard this year, and I feel the anxiousness and the feelings of inadequacy creep in and start whispering words of discouragement in my mind, and when my heart begins to fear, I need to remember God's words in Joshua 1:9.
"Have I not commanded
you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be
discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
My
confidence is not in me and my abilities, but in the One who has
called me to serve. My strength is not in myself, but rooted in the
strength of the One who stretched out the heavens. I am able because
He is able.
The
weeks that lie ahead of me are going to be challenging. I know this.
But, I also know that I can do it because I do not walk alone.
Be
strong and courageous.
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